June 3, 2009

Spotlight On: NFL SuperPro #2

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superpro1I love comics and I love the NFL so by default NFL SuperPro #2 should be an easy touchdown in my book, right? Wrong! Holy crap is this comic bad. I don’t mean bad in the we-fell-apart-in-the-4th-quarter bad, I mean bad as in watching a game between the Detroit Lions and the Oakland Raiders bad. So it should come as no surprise that this series only lasted 12 issues and a Super Bowl Special before it was canceled.

NFL SuperPro was published by Marvel Comics in 1991 and is written by Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Jose Delbo. I know what you’re thinking, “Fabian Nicieza? He sounds familiar…” And he should as he is the man who created Deadpool, Shatterstar, and X-Force. He’s also written chapters of the X-Men events X-Cutioner’s Song, The Phalanx Covenant, and Age of Apocalypse. His most recent work includes penning the entire Cable & Deadpool series, some issues of Robin and Nightwing, and the Battle for the Cowl tie-in, Azrael: Death’s Dark Knight. With a resume like that it’s tough to swallow the awkward pill that is SuperPro. Artist Jose Delbo is best known for his run on Transformers (1988-1990) and Wonder Woman (vol.1) issues #270-284.

What is the NFL SuperPro comic about? Well, the main character is Phil Grayfield whose career as a pro football player came to a dramatic end when he rescued a little kid who was falling from the bleachers at a football game. Having been to many pro NFL games, I can say that after you’ve had a few beers falling from the 300 level is easier to do than it may sound. Anyway, during the rescue Phil busted his knee beyond repair, but later discovered a powerful football suit. Once Phil put it on he became the ‘super hero’ SuperPro! The suit, complete with an obnoxiously large NFL logo as a breastplate, strongly resembles that of Captain Amazing from the movie Mystery Men, and Phil is equally as arrogant as the character portrayed by the awesome Greg Kinnear. SuperPro’s vehicle of choice is a crappy puke-green colored van with the words ‘Sports Inside’ painted on the door, as his day job is a reporter. Original, right? SuperPro travels around with his side kick/computer guy Ken, who helps him with reporting stories and gathers intelligence while SP is out on the beat.

Issue #2 begins with a flashback of Phil playing Linebacker for Notre Dame University in 1985. He’s a mad man on the field, making tackles and batting away balls at every opportunity. His defensive teammate Karl Moore is jealous of Phil, and when the game is over we see Karl writing down a shit list of plays Phil took away from him. Fast forward 6 years to where Quick Kick, a sword and nunchuck wielding ninja, is mugging some thugs. He’s looking for a shipment of stolen guns for his boss, and when he doesn’t find them, he shoots Michael Frazier who happens to be a player for the Miami Dolphins (in real life Michael Frazier is actually a writer for the Orlando Sentinel, not a football player). Being a Buffalo Bills fan, I was ok with this scene as all Miami Dolphins players should be shot (just kidding, I would never wish harm on someone… well, maybe Tom Brady. Wait a second- what’s with the Miami Dolphin’s theme of the 1990′s)…

We later learn that Michael Frazier wasn’t affiliated with the thugs, but was actually trying to stop two gangs from fighting before Quick Kick intervened. Frazier made it his personal mission to end gang wars in Miami by creating a community out reach program that was “notoriously discouraging local kids from joining gangs.” Hm. I was unaware that good deeds were typically classified as being ‘notorious.’ Anywhoo, Frazier’s Community Center provided tutoring for kids, a daycare for working parents, and a program that employed senior citizens to help keep them active- wowee what a guy!

Upon learning of the shooting, Phil decides to investigate and along with Ken they head to the Community Center to question some ex-gang bangers. The kids tell Phil who stole the shipment of guns to which he declares, “We’re going to nail those punks, so all of the good work you do here can continue!” He and Ken then proceed to run out of the place… so much for maintaining a secret identity, eh?

Quick Kick arrives on the scene first, taking out the thugs in a warehouse and getting his guns back. Then SuperPro shows up and the great reveal is made- Quick Kick is actually Karl Moore from the Notre Dame football team! We’re treated to Phil’s inner monologue, “I don’t know how or why Moore’s become a ninja killer- but I’d better be careful or I’m next on his hit list!” Funny he should mention that, because the readers also have no freakin’ clue how this guy became a ninja. The two duke it out, making their way to a propeller plane which is awkwardly placed inside the warehouse. Quick Kick makes a run for it and takes off, but to his dismay a wing is damaged and the plane crashes into a nearby lake, which appears out of nowhere. The plane explodes, presumably killing Quick Kick and destroying the shipment of guns inside (which somehow made it from the warehouse floor into the plane while the two were fighting).

After SuperPro is informed by a police officer that Michael Frazier has survived his gun wound, we get the moral of the story, “I battled a man who reminded me too much of myself- who thought that winning was all that mattered… and I wasn’t able to show him that what really counts is what you’re fighting for.” I can’t speak for the almighty SuperPro, but the last time I tried to give a full grown man a lesson in morality, I almost got punched in the face. The scene shifts to a cruise ship in the middle of wherever and we meet the real villain, Mr. Sanzionare who looks like a cross between a caveman and a porn star. When Sanzionare (is that a play on ‘millionare’?) gets the memo of Quick Kick’s failure to recover the shipment of firearms, he calls in the big gun; Instant Replay, a guy who can cut (not travel, but cut) through time!

Yikes.

Here are some quotes from the book:

“Call me SuperPro. The game’s over. You lose.” – SuperPro

“Correct your tenses there, Sammy… he was a football player… and he played for the Dolphins!” – Quick Kick

“Smoothest move he makes is off the field… I mean his 3.6 grade point average.” – Jane, Phil’s girlfriend

I read somewhere that Nicieza made this series up as a means to obtain free football tickets, and while I couldn’t prove that claim, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. Besides the Dolphins the only other team he plugs in this issue is the Philadelphia Eagles, which is ok by me because my Bills and Atlanta Falcons don’t need any more embarrassing asterisks in their team history.The real moral of this story is that NFL SuperPro #2 definitely proved that sports and comics should never cross paths again.

 

March 31, 2009

The Geek Sheet: Dune and the Buffalo Bills

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kemptowarlick1w650The Geek Sheet is a new feature here at MintConditionPublishing.com that features interesting facts and information on geeky subjects; like sports, sci-fi, comic books, etc. The Geek Sheet segment will be popping up on a regular basis, so think of it as an online geek encyclopedia. Some entries may be longer than others, but all are bona fide geektastic!

  • While the statement “the Buffalo Bills have never won a Super Bowl” is true, the statement that they have “never won a championship” is false. Before the NFL merged with the AFL in 1966, the Buffalo Bills were AFL Champions in 1964 and 1965. They destroyed the San Diego Chargers in both games: 20-7, 23-0.
  • The Buffalo Bills are the only NFL team to play in New York State. Both the New York Jets and the New York Giants play their games in East Rutherford, New Jersey right outside of New York City.
  • The Litany Against Fear as published in the sci-fi epic Dune, by Frank Herbert :

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

  • An excerpt from the Dune Encyclopedia: Crysknife: A knife, whose blade consisted of a single tooth of a giant sandworm, considered most sacred by the Fremen. No off-worlder who saw one of the weapons, could be permitted, by Fremen law, to leave Arrakis without the Fremen’s consent. Once the blade was drawn from it’s sheath, it could not be returned unblooded, even if the blood it drew had to be the user’s own; to do otherwise was to insult Shai-Hulud and risk bringing his wrath on all Fremen. The blade is milky white, some twenty centimeters in length, which gave the impression of glowing in dim light– a sandworm’s tooth. The teeth were obtainable only when the Fremen found the remains of a dead sandworm. When such a find was made, as many teeth as could safely be carried were removed and taken back to the group’s sietch for blessing and manufacture into knives.

fremenThere are two types of crysknives: fixed and unfixed. A fixed blade, which could be stored for an indefinite period of time, was treated by exposure to a series of electric currents, which ‘fixed’ the blade’s electric field and kept it static. An unfixed blade remained stable only so long as it remained in contact with a living human body; deprived of exposure to that body’s electric field, it weakened and crumbled within a matter of hours. This type of blade was most commonly used by Fremen, since it was not wished that anyone should be able to obtain a crysknife by looting Fremen bodies; Fremen who could see that they were either going to be captured, or die in battle without sufficient time elapsing for their blades to disintegrate, shattered them on the nearest hard object.

The tip, the hollow once occupied by the tooth’s nerve, customarily held a small amount of the most deadly poison available, most often a mixed derivative of the native desert plants. Fremen usually attempted to avoid killing a respected enemy with the tip of the blade; poison was considered a weapon more suitable for use against animals than humans.

The mounting of the blade into the handle was patterned on the kindjal, a type of long knife popular throughout the empire, with a blade of almost identical length to that of the crysknife. Where they differed was in the shearing-guard: the kindjal generally boasted a stout guard, while the crysknife had only the raised lips of its round handle, where it joined the blade, to protect it’s user’s hand. Most authorities believe that the earliest crysknives were deliberately constructed to mimic the kindjal, a blade the Fremen were already familiar with from their many generations of service in the empire. The later changes, including the elimination of the shearing-guard, came about when the crysknife became a truly unique weapon rather than a native imitation of an off-world knife.

Considerable mythology surrounded the blades. Fremen cherished their crysknives, giving them names that were kept secret even to other troop members, protecting them from harm with their own lives. Even after the owner’s death, the crysknife was treated differently from all other possessions. A crysknife handle was the only thing that was taken to the Funeral Plain for ‘burial’ after it’s owner’s water was returned to the tribe. The one exception to this custom was in the case of a crysknife whose blade shattered during a fight. Fremen superstition held in such cases that the person had somehow offended Shai-Hulud, who had retaliated by withdrawing the strength from the tooth.

593A good deal of history surrounds crysknives as well. The initial acceptance of Paul Muad’Dib Atreides among the Fremen, for example, came about when his mother, the Lady Jessica, was tested by the Shadout Mapes and deemed worthy of possessing a crysknife. The original Duncan Idaho, who had proved himself in Stilgar’s sietch, was also allowed to keep one of the sacred blades.

The blade that has attracted the most historical attention, however, is undoubtedly that mounted in Muad’Dib’s crysknife. When the first Atreides emperor – in the guise of The Preacher – was killed, his son took his crysknife for his own. In the centuries that followed, Leto II made frequent ceremonial use of the blade, culminating in it’s use in Siaynoq. In addition, The God Emperor controlled the tiny supply of the knives which still remained during the last centuries of his rule, while his Museum Fremen carried out the old rituals with them utterly ignorant of the true reasons for their actions. The fact that one of them would copy a crysknife for sale to Siona Atreides illustrates the degeneration of the customs; no true Fremen would have permitted such a thing for any reason, least of all personal gain. Muad’Dib’s crysknife, then, could be seen as the last of it’s kind – a blade carried by one who knew the traditions and myths that held it apart from more common, less holy weapons.

While the old Fremen might have disapproved of the use to which The God Emperor put their leader’s crysknife, they would certainly have approved of the level; of veneration which surrounded it.

 

March 25, 2009

Owens and Brady to Kickoff Monday Night Football in 2009

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The word is out; the Buffalo Bills will meet the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium to signal the start of Monday Night Football on September 14, 2009. Bills fans knew that the addition of Terrell Owens would bring the team more attention in the national spotlight, but who would have thought the season premiere of Monday Night Football was in the cards!? 

As expected, Buffalo fans have mixed emotions about the announcement. Here are some immediate reactions on the pros and cons of the situation:

tom_brady_doucheCONS

-The game is in New England.

-While Owens and Brady will be the talk of the game, inevitably the broadcast is going to turn into a Tom Brady love fest. With this being his first game back from suffering a knee injury in week 1 of the 2008 season, and Brady’s return taking place in New England the stage has been set. Also, it’s almost a given that somehow Teddy Bruschi will be highlighted as well. (I hate those guys.)

-Owens would probably very vocal after a blow out…  

-The major con really boils down to this; the New England Patriots have totally dominated the Buffalo Bills over the last decade. From the Bills defeating the Pats only once in the new millennium (September 7, 2003/31-0), to the disaster that was Drew Bledsoe, to embarrassing prime time losses, the Patriots have slapped an “owned” label on Buffalo. Check out these depressing facts:

  • The Bills are 1-17 against the Patriots in the new millennium.
  • Buffalo has played New England 4 other times on prime time TV over the last 14 years. Here are the results: 
  1. Monday Night, October 23, 1995 @ New England: 14-27 loss
  2. Sunday Night, October 27, 1996 @ New England: 25-28 loss
  3. Sunday Night, November 14, 2004 @ New England: 6-29 loss
  4. Sunday Night, Nov. 18, 2007 @ Buffalo: 10-56 loss (the worst defeat in franchise history)

-To continue with the history lesson, the previous two Monday Night Football appearances by Buffalo were some of the worst moments in recent Bills history. The 25-24 loss to the Dallass Cowboys on Nick Folk’s last second field goal in 2007, and Rian Lindell’s wide right kick in last season’s despicable 27-29 loss to the Cleveland Browns(tains), have become this generation of Bills fans’ Forward Lateral and Wide Right. (This humbled writer was present at the Cleveland game and, wow. What a bummer.)  The Patriots now have the opportunity to send Buffalo packing for the third straight year on Monday Night Football.  

terrell_owens-2PROS

-Well, the reverse angle of this is that, hey, the Bills will be on Monday Night Football three years in a row! What fan doesn’t want to see their team get a prime time slot? Given how the Bills closed out last season, this is a boon for the team and it’s fans (especially since before T.O. appeared, the prospect of a Buffalo prime time game was all too laughable).

-More media attention for Buffalo and it’s Bills is always a good thing.

-If somehow the Bills can get over the hump and actually defeat New England, talk about a way to start off the season! What a momentum surge: poo-pooing on Brady’s return to the Pats, at home, and on national TV. Kick. Ass.

-If the Bills were to win, one can only imagine that Terrell Owens would play a major role in the victory. That would be a great way for T.O. to make his Buffalo debut by burning New England at home and helping to erase Buffalo’s 11 game, 5 and a half year losing streak to the Pats.

-The Pats and Bills will be donning their throwback AFL jerseys for the game. This should mentally return Bills fans to a time when Buffalo dominated New England. Happy days.

For the Bills, the 2008 season ended with a gutless 13-0 home loss to the Patriots. They have now been given the opportunity to make a statement to themselves, their fans, and the rest of the NFL that the Buffalo Bills are back and ready to compete. Brady, Welker, Moss, and Maroney had better watch out, because here comes Edwards, Evans, Owens, and Lynch!

Oh, and to the T.O. haters who are speculating why he has missed the first few days of a voluntary training session set to last 12 weeks with the Bills, chill out. Owens has been preparing for his appearance as an honored guest at the Alzheimer’s Association 6th Annual Gala in Washington, D.C. this evening. So chew on that.

Go Bills!


 

March 13, 2009

Already the Owens Haters Find Fodder For Their Beef

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owens811Terrell Owens will wear the number 81 for the Buffalo Bills this season, and the news has sent some sports fans into an outrage. The number was previously worn by rookie wide receiver, James Hardy.

Like a cat waiting for the mouse to poke it’s head out a hole, Owens haters have sprung their unfounded jim-jam on the situation; claiming that Owens is already causing locker room conflicts by wanting the number. Hardy who had a mere 9 receptions for 87 yards and 2 TD’s in his over-hyped first season, will now wear #84. The Buffalo Bills have yet to report whether or not T.O. has compensated Hardy for the number (which is commonly done in the NFL), or if Hardy was told to surrender it.

Either way, who cares? Terrell Owens deserves to wear the digits he has worn his entire professional career of 13 years. Considering Hardy will likely miss a chunk of the beginning of the season due to reconstructive knee surgery, Owens deserves the number all the more. Still, the Owens haters can’t help but spread their speculations, putting a negative spin on T.O.’s need for numerical continuity. Let’s venture into imaginary fun land for a moment and assume that Trent Edwards wore #4 and Brett Favre signed with the Bills. Would anyone care if Favre requested to keep the number that has been his identity for his entire professional career? I doubt it.

So why is T.O. any different?

To the people who are mad because they just spent money on a new James Hardy jersey, I ask you this: What the hell were you doing buying a James Hardy jersey in the first place? Is Lee Evans not good enough for you?… or Trent Edwards? What about Marshawn Lynch, Roscoe Parrish, Paul Posluszny, or Kawika Mitchell? All are far better options for a jersey purchase over James Hardy. You should look on this as punishment for buying a jersey based on speculated talent as opposed to proven talent. 

So wipe your butts Owens haters, you’re leaking brown stuff all over the Bills new look!

 

March 12, 2009

What Does Hitler Think About the Bills Signing T.O.?

Posted by yourfriendandy under Silly Stuff, Sports, The Due Bills, Video | Tags: , , , , , , , |
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What does the worlds most notorious villain think about Terrell Owens signing with the Buffalo Bills? Find out for yourself:

While I may not agree with everything that is said on this video about the signing, it is absolutely hilarious!! Bravo to whoever put this together!

Bills Owens Football

 

March 8, 2009

To the Bills Fans Who Aren’t Pumped About Terrell Owens

Posted by yourfriendandy under Sports, The Due Bills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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118-mccoy_sports_billsstandaloneprod_affiliate502Let me begin our discussion by reminding you that the Buffalo Bills have not made the playoffs in the new millennium and are going on 10 straight years without a post season appearance. This horrible statistic is second only to the Detroit Lions.

Bills fans, please keep these facts in the front of your mind as you proceed to read further.

Terrell Owens is now a Buffalo Bill.

The five time All-Pro wide receiver has signed a one year deal worth $6.5 million to don the red, white, and blue in Western New York. As a Bills fan, I couldn’t be happier. The signing of Owens, even for only one season, is a positive on so many levels that his main criticism of being a locker room cancer is almost irrelevant.

Here are some immediate reactions to negative opinions on the acquisition of Owens:

“Terrel Owens is a locker room cancer. He is going to tear the team apart!” To the people who think this way, let me remind you that the same thing was said about Randy Moss when he signed with the New England Patriots, and look how that turned out. Also realize that the Bills are no strangers to controversy in the locker room. Maybe controversy on a high school level when compared to T.O., but controversy nonetheless. Between the Willis McGahee drama, the Edwards/Losman conflict, and the outrage geared toward head coaches Dick Jauron, (and former coaches) Mike Mularkey, and Gregg Williams, the Bills have spent some time experiencing their own off field issues. Oops! I forgot to mention Marshawn Lynch’s hit and run and misdemeanor weapons possession charge over the last two years… If you’re among the fans who think T.O. is only going to ruin the Bills chances of success due to his personality issues, I ask you this: How have the Bills fared on the field all these years without T.O.? After nearly a decade of watching the Bills be monumental losers (especially after this season) Owens can open his notorious big mouth all he wants as along as he’s making plays and helping the Bills win games. Besides, if he does turn out to be the dreaded ‘cancer’ the majority of the world perceives him to be, he’s gone at the end of the season, no strings attached. I want a Championship in Buffalo, and T.O. helps the Bills get one step closer to that ultimate goal.

“This is an outrage! I refuse to buy a Bills ticket if Owens is on the team!” While you may not be the only fan who thinks this way, you’re probably in the minority. With the addition of Owens, the Bills have become a far more marketable team, and to be frank, won’t really need your ticket money. The Bills now have a serious (instead of hopeful) shot at getting multiple prime time games, and if that happens, ticket sales won’t be an issue. With the dying economy and the way last season ended, Bills owner Ralph Wilson had to do something to keep interest in the club in both Western New York and Toronto, Canada. The Bills first game in Toronto, was an unmitigated disaster. People had shelled out thousands of dollars to go to the game, and they weren’t even rewarded with a touchdown from the ‘home’ team. The Bills still have four more game dates with Toronto, and after last seasons embarrassing performance against the Dolphins, why would Canadians want to pay even $5 to see a crappy team try and play football? Terrell Owens now gives them a reason to come back. Besides, when was the last time a Bills jersey topped the sales charts? … anyone?

“Owens is only using the Bills as a springboard for opportunities to go elsewhere in 2010.” Assuming this becomes fact, who cares. Buffalo picked up QB Trent Edwards, RB Marshawn Lynch, LB Paul Posluszny, and WR James Hardy to be better later. T.O. makes the Bills better now. ”I think Buffalo gave themselves a buzz [last season]. They were hot at the beginning of the season. They didn’t finish well. But with someone like myself, I can come in and add that extra piece and we can get over the hump,” said Owens, and I agree with him. If he wants to come to Buffalo and bring success to the team only to say next February, “See everyone! I can play for a bad club and make it elite. I’m available. Who wants to pay for me?”, so be it. If he left in 2010 after a successful 2009, Owens still has done a service to the Bills as other free agents will look on Buffalo as a team that can actually win. So even if he splits after a successful 2009-2010 campaign, he has still bolstered Buffalo’s reputation in the NFL. 

“We don’t need Owens. We’ve got Evans!” Since the departure of veteran WR Eric Moulds, Lee Evans hasn’t developed into the #1 WR Bills fans hoped he’d be. His average play can be faulted on both himself and the Buffalo coaching staff for not giving him enough looks to be effective. He’s also had trouble when being double covered, but with Owens on the opposite sideline, Lee can hopefully up his game. Last season Evans had 63 receptions for 1,017 yards and 3 TD’s, the fewest of his career. Owens caught 69 passes for 1,052 yards and 10 TD’s. With these two guys catching passes for the Bills, the club now has two of the top 15 players in yards per catch during the 2008 season. Evans was 10th and Owens was 15th. One could argue that Owens drops too many passes, as he’s led the league in that stat for the last two years. The counter point to this is that logically, the more balls you have thrown to you, the more you’re going to drop. The other league leaders in dropped passes are WR’s Braylon Edwards, Roddy White, Brandon Marshall, and Dwayne Bowe, all of whom have had solid performances in the last few seasons. With Evans and Owens as QB Trent Edwards’ top two targets, the Bills WR depth chart went from less than average to a threatening unit that deserves respect. Go-to man Josh Reed and the shifty speed demon Roscoe Parrish are ideal #3 and #4 wide receivers, and if things go well, Owens could serve as a valuable mentor to sophomore WR’s, Steve Johnson and (more importantly) James Hardy. Hardy failed to deliver on the high expectations that were placed on him after being drafted by Buffalo in the second round of the 2008 NFL draft. He had a mere 87 yards and 2 TDs in the 14 games he played last season. If he’s up to it, Owens can help the sophomore get those stats up. With Hardy’s development taking longer than expected, the Bills needed another WR and Owens was easily the best one available on the market (he was on a list that featured Jabar Gaffney, Laveranues Coles, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Michael Clayton, and Hank Baskett). To put your mind at ease, Evans was both excited and surprised about the move, saying “It’s definitely a good feeling that they (the Bills) went out and got him.” 

“Terrel Owens isn’t a team player. His personality doesn’t fit with the system.” I agree with these statements. However, Dick Jauron’s ‘system’ has been less than mediocre as the Bills have gone 7-9 for three straight seasons. Owens’ personality may not fit the system, but lets face it, Buffalo’s system sucks. Owens is the spark the Bills need to be competitive and as mentioned above, he can help develop this young team into a squad of solid players. In addition to helping the Buffalo WR core, he’ll hopefully help the development of Trent Edwards as the young QB now has a handful of dependable targets with which to take shots down field. Edwards has proven that he has what it takes to be an elite quarterback in the NFL, provided he has a team around him and stays healthy. Said Edwards of Owens: ”I am really excited about the addition of Terrell Owens to our team. We spoke earlier and both look forward to working hard this off season. We share the common goal of winning football games. His ability and experience will add to our offense and the weapons we already have.”Don’t forget that T.O. is second only to Jerry Rice with 951 career receptions and 139 TD’s. 

“What does the rest of the nation think?” Here are some poll results I found on espn.com and wgr550.com: 

What impact will Terrell Owens have on the Bills: 43% mostly positive, 36% mostly negative, 21% no significant impact (302,960 votes).

Do you think signing Owens was the right move for the Bills: 76% yes, 24% no.

Where will Terrell Owens be at the start of the 2010 season: 46% with the Bills, 46% with another NFL team, 8% out of the NFL (25, 354 votes).

How will the Bills fare in 2009: 49% borderline playoff team, 25% around .500, 22% legitimate AFC contender, 4% double-digit losses (17, 454 votes).

“The Bills won’t make the playoffs with T.O.” I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Sure, T.O. never won a playoff game with Dallas, but he helped bring them to two, one of which was a home game (please recall the very first points I made in this article). One of those losses lies solely on the shoulders of Cowboy QB Tony Romo, as he flubbed the hold of a Dallas 19 yard field goal attempt down 1 point with just over a minute to play. Like all Bills fans, I want a post season appearance in this decade, and Terrell Owens can help the Bills get there. The last time Buffalo was in the playoffs, I was 15. I am now 24. Deservedly, the Bills are categorized as one of the leagues worst, alongside teams like the Lions, the Browns, the Raiders, and formerly the Arizona Cardinals. Owens gives the Bills the star power they need in today’s NFL: the Patriots have Tom Brady, the Colts have Peyton Manning, the Chargers have LaDainian Tomlinson, and now the Bills have Terrell Owens. Like T.O. said in his first press conference with the Buffalo media:

“I’m leaving America’s Team to come to North America’s Team. Get ready.”

Terrell, Bills fans have never been more ready for success, so get your popcorn out; welcome to Buffalo T.O.

Go Bills!

 

February 3, 2009

(Super) Men of Steel

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09000d5d80e863bd_gallery_600On Sunday, the AFC’s Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the NFC’s Arizona Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII by a score of 27-23. The Steelers were appearing in their seventh Super Bowl and obtained their sixth win, the most by any team in NFL history. Meanwhile, the Arizona Cardinals can only hang their heads and say ‘There’s always next year.’ Still, the Cardinals have nothing to be ashamed of, propelling themselves from the dog house of the NFL into their first ever Super Bowl appearance (since their founding in 1920). The Cardinals put up a good fight, but in the end, The Steel Curtain prevailed.

Complete with links for reference, here are my immediate reactions of Super Bowl XLIII:

PRE GAME/HALFTIME SHOW

It’s a bit early to have Mike Holmgren and Tony Dungy serve as analysts for any broadcasted game, let alone the Super Bowl. Holmgren coached the Seattle Seahawks and literally ‘retired’ about a month ago, and Dungy retired from coaching the Indianapolis Colts exactly three weeks ago… Too soon guys. Too soon.

Why was our President Elect, Barack Obama, being interviewed live as part of the pre game coverage on NBC? He should be, you know, running the country.

Faith Hill exclaimed after singing ‘God Bless America’, “WhOOOoo! That’s nice!”, and it was nice… but why is ‘God Bless America’ being sung before the Super Bowl? The National Anthem is enough pre game patriotism, especially when it’s sung by Jennifer Hudson. That girl can wail! She took the National Anthem and owned it. Bravo. But back to the point; ‘God Bless America’ is a bit much. I love Irving Berlin, but he doesn’t belong in football. This was only the beginning of the America-Love-Fest that was Super Bowl XLIII’s pre game show…

Recognizing Flight Crew 1549 was nice… and awkward. As was General David H. Petraeus being present (amongst football greats like John Elway) at the Coin Toss ‘Ceremony’. He even tossed the coin! All of this hoopla over deciding who gets the ball first got me thinking; what the hell is ceremonious about the Coin Toss Ceremony anyway? Everyone stands around both team’s captains to witness a coin flip, a process that lasts about fifteen seconds. Apparently it must be exhilarating to witness this process live because Monster.com is offering (as a prize) to send someone to Super Bowl XLIV’s Coin Toss Ceremony! WOW!!

I despise sideline reporters. They are all awkward women who are annoying. During the pre game one was quoted as saying09000d5d80e84faa_gallery_600, “F. Scotts Fitzgerald”… F. Scotts Fitzgerald. Also, they were already creating drama around Arizona QB Kurt Warner’s potential retirement. Come on now.

Minutes before kickoff, Warner won the NFL Walter Payton Man of the Year Award. Too bad it wasn’t what he really wanted, another Championship. But seriously, the Man of the Year Award is cool.

Bruce Springsteen was the star of half time and put on a decent show (although by the end he sounded off pitch and totally gassed). Towards the end of his set he decided to yell “I’m tellin’ ya, we’re gonna be goin’ overtime! Man, it’s gonna be penlty time! I mean delay of game! Delay of game!,” (about 1:20 in). To say the least it was hilarious and jarring. I don’t think Bruce has ever watched a football game in his life. On the list of great half time shows, the top two still remain Paul McCartney and Janet Jackson’s boobs.

THE GAME

‘Exciting’ Super Bowl fact: The NFC has now won 12 straight coin tosses according to Al Michaels, and of those 12 coin toss victories, only 3 teams have won the Super Bowl (Giants, Buccaneers, Rams). Also, have John Madden or Al Michaels aged at all over the last 15 years? They look the exact same and every year and it is bordering on scary.

The first drive of the game by Pittsburgh was everything one (except Cards fans) hopes an opening drive in the Super Bowl could be! It was exciting and al09000d5d80e84702_gallery_600though Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger’s rushing TD was challeneged and overturned, the ensuing field goal proved to be crucial for a Pittsburgh victory. Due to those three points, Kurt Warner was forced to try for the end zone on the final drive of the game, not a field goal. That hurt the Cardinals considering Warner was rushed and threw the game ending interception. Ouch.

The last five minutes of the first half were some awesome football, particularly the last 16 seconds; Defensive Player of the Year, James Harrison, ran the ball back 100 yards on a Warner interception for the TD. It was the longest play in Super Bowl history and Cardinals WR’s Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston nearly tackled Harrison to save the TD, but to no avail. The half ended with the Steelers in front, 17-7.

A thought on instant replay: all footage should be visibly timed and the cameras should all be synched to the exact same time. This way when a play is being reviewed, while angles may be different, all the times will be the same. This will allow officials to simultaneously look at multiple angles of the same play (with synched up times on each angle) and judge from there where the ball is (or knees or toes, etc.). It may make calls more accurate.

A roughing the passer call in the 3rd quarter on Arizona LB Karlos Dansby was a bit of a stretch, but a dumb play by Dansby. While it was a late hit (and Dansby should know better), I’ve seen far worse hits on QB’s that weren’t called. Like in week 5 when Cardinals Safety Adrian Wilson delivered a helmet to helmet hit on Bills QB Trent Edwards. The hit gave Edwards a concussion, and since he returned from that hit a few weeks later, the Bills went 3-9 the rest of the season. Feel that Karma working Cards fans?

With under three minutes to go in the 4th quarter, a Pittsburgh holding penalty in the end zone cost them a safety, and therefore 2 points. The Steelers sat on their own 1/2 yard line on 3rd and 10 and would have picked up a first down on a 20 yard pass to Santonio Holmes, if not for the flag. Before this one, the last sack in a Super Bowl was by Bruce Smith (Go Bills!) on Jeff Hostetler of the NY Giants in Super Bowl XXV (also in Tampa Bay).

Penalties killed the Cards as they had 11 for 106 yards. Former Buffalo Bill, OT Mike Gandy, had a rough day and was penalized multiple times for Arizona. The Steelers had 7 penalties for 56 yards.

At the end of the day, Big Ben came through for his team. Nothing says ‘Super Bowl’ like a game winning drive from a franchise QB! As an arm chair coach I need to say that Mike Tomlin called far too many QB sneaks in this game. Obviously it didn’t really matter, but Ben Roethlisberger is definitely not Mike Vick. Oh yeah, and at age 36, Tomlin becomes the youngest coach ever win (and coach) a Super Bowl!

THE PLAYERS

Instead of me telling you how bad ass Santonio Holmes was in this game, just click here and watch his highlight reel. Even before he caught the game winning TD (in triple coverage!) he was the bane of the game for the Cardinals. His stats for the day were 9 catches for 131 yards, and a TD. Without a doubt, Holmes totally deserved to be Super Bowl MVP.

09000d5d80e842dc_gallery_6002On the other sideline was WR Larry Fitzgerald, who I think would have been the Super Bowl MVP had Arizona won. Fitzgerald had 7 catches for 127 yards and 2 TD’s, and was seen mouthing the words “Oh no” after the Holmes TD. That shot of Larry was heart wrenching for Cards fans, exhilirating for Steelers fans, and priceless for everyone else.

Following the Cardinal victory against the Eagles in the NFC Championship game, WR Anquan Boldin stormed off the field in protest of his role as a ‘decoy’ in the offensive scheme against Philadelphia. He wanted more looks from QB Kurt Warner. That really didn’t happen in the Super Bowl as his only notable play was when he set up the first Cardinal TD of the game;  a falling pass from Warner to Ben Patrick. Overall Boldin picked up a few first downs, but was pretty quiet as he had 8 catches for 84 yards. Cardinals fans have to be nervous that he won’t return next season, and if he doesn’t I hope he knows the Buffalo Bills are in need of a WR!

From Woodland Hills, PA, Cardinals WR Steve Breaston had a solid game against his childhood team, and is Arizona’s unsung hero of Super Bowl XLIII. It took Warner nearly 20 minutes to find Fitzgerald or Boldin, so in the meantime he found Breaston who had 6 catches for 71 yards. If not for his performance early on, the Cardinals would have found themselves down by more than 10 points at the end of the first half. This season Breaston, (Arizona’s #3 WR) had 77 catches for 1,006 yards and 3 TD’s, while Lee Evans (the Buffalo Bills #1 WR) had only 63 catches for 1,017 yards and 3 TD’s this season. A #3 and a #1 WR have similar stats…why do the Bills continue to pain me.

Being a rookie playing in the big game, Cardinals CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie wasn’t terrible. Sure Santonio Holmes got the better of him and he did have a 15 yard facemask penalty in the 3rd, but check out this play!

COMMERCIALS/OTHER STUFF

Three sexual innuendos spoken during the game’s TV broadcast:

“The QB has to slide it in.” – John Madden      09000d5d80e84fa5_gallery_6003

“Maybe that’s how he gets so much penetration- he jumps early.” – John Madden

“See Bill Bidwill’s jacket off?” – Al Michaels

Mark the date: 8/7/09 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

My favorite commercial: The Miller High Life Dude.

Commercials I liked: Pepsi’s I’m Good,  Teleflora.com,  Pepsi’s Refresh Anthem.

Honorable mention: Pepsi’s Pepsuber Guy. This actor had a great cameo in HBO’s Flight of the Conchords.

Commercials I didn’t like: E-Trade Talking Babies (I absolutely hate the talking baby fad. Correction, I despise it. It’s annoying, lame, and unoriginal) and Alec Baldwin.

There were far too many Budweiser ads. Because of them I now feel tipsy when I see both dalmatians and clydesdale horses.

NBC was airing some plugs informing the public that a handful of their sit-coms will be aired i09000d5d80e86ca4_gallery_600n 3D… Am I the only one asking why!? Where are people getting 3D glasses from? Does NBC expect the majority of Americans to own 3D glasses? I thought that was an 80′s thing.

If there are four things Super Bowl commercials have taught me it’s the following:     1. Violence is funny     2. Animals doing human things is funny     3. Fat people falling is funny     4. Big boobs get things done. God Bless America.

THE FINAL WORD

So once again another NFL season comes to a thrilling conclusion! To the Steelers fan: Mike Tomlin said it best, “It wasn’t pretty, but that was 60 minutes of Steelers football!” Indeed it was. Congratulations Steelers nation, you guys earned your 6th Championship Title. Enjoy it while you can, because the rest of the league is gunning for you…

To the Cardinals fan: Buck up kiddo! I’ve kept your seat warm over here in the Championship-less Club for the last month. You’ll find it in-between the Buffalo Bills fan and the Atlanta Falcons fan.

Until next season: GO BILLS!! GO FALCONS!!

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December 10, 2008

The Buffalo Bills Bore Thousands in Toronto

Posted by yourfriendandy under Sports, The Due Bills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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09000d5d80d1e103_gallery_6001Instead of boring my readers with a game analysis of the Buffalo Bills 16-3 loss against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday, I’ve decided to take a different approach to this week’s article. Below is a list of quotes from players, fans, and sports writers about the events that took place at the Rogers Centre in Toronto, Canada. If you’re a Bills fan you don’t want to reminisce about the game anyway, and if you’re a Dolphins fan I hate you and don’t want you reading my blog.

So sit back, relax, and prepare to get pissed:

Reactions from the Miami Dolphins

“Obviously we came up here and Toronto was new scenery for us. But we went out and saw the people in aqua and orange and it made a pretty big difference. You don’t feel like you’re playing an away game and you’re excited for the support.” – Ronnie Brown, RB

“I got kind of emotional during the national anthem (when fans began singing). It (O Canada) is a beautiful song and I hadn’t heard it in a while. It wasn’t clear who the home team was and that’s nice for us.” – Ricky Williams, RB

“Hey, people here are tough. They’re hockey fans and they get into it. It was just good to see that kind of support for us.” – Ronnie Brown, RB

“It was crazy because we heard cheering for Buffalo and then we heard a lot of cheering for us. I didn’t really know what the fans were doing. I would definitely play here over Buffalo any day.” – Will Allen, CB

Reactions from the Buffalo Bills

“It was cool, it was fun but Buffalo fans are a lot more rowdy. We could have used that rowdiness today.” – Marcus Stroud, DT

“It’s frustrating even more because we know we have the talent and we have the want to and drive and work ethic. We do everything we’re asked. But for some reason we still have to find a way to win whatever it takes. Guys are at a loss of words because of the outcome” – J.P. Losman, QB

“Obviously, the NFL is about making money. If that is what they are doing, that’s what they are doing.” – Kawika Mitchell, LB

“It felt like we were on the road.” – Jason Peters, OL

“It didn’t feel like home field advantage, it was pretty quiet, it was not a typical Bills game. It wasn’t near the loud-factor that you would like to have, but with that said we didn’t give them much to cheer about anyway. We just didn’t play well enough to get things sparked.  As you can tell we were looking for rhythm and just didn’t have it.” – J.P. Losman, QB

“Embarrassed, disappointed — they’re a couple of words you could use.”  - Marcus Stroud, DT

“Offensively we have no rhythm. We move the ball, but when it comes down to scoring, we don’t have a clue.” – Lee Evans, WR09000d5d80d1da95_gallery_600

“I don’t even know if it was a neutral site. The defense was out there on third down and it was pretty quiet, and we’re out there and it was tough to hear sometimes. I don’t know if it was that they just wanted to see some football and didn’t have an allegiance, but it definitely didn’t feel like a home game.” – Duke Preston, C

“The game was a big letdown. We knew how important it was for us, and we just didn’t perform, and that reflects on me. That’s on my shoulders. It was a very disappointing day for us. Is it unacceptable? Well, how do you not accept it if you’ve done it? We’ve got to live with it. That’s our record, and we’ve got to take it and go on and try to get better and improve.” – Dick Jauron, Head Coach

“I felt different. I felt more comfortable. It was the first time I had gotten a start in awhile, you know so. I was hoping I wouldn’t be rusty and I don’t think I was that rusty.” – J.P. Losman, QB (… was he referring to the three fumbles, the pick, or the zero TD passes?)

“Three points? Listen, the way we’ve been playing, it’s tough to get three points.”- Ralph Wilson, Owner

Reactions from fans and the media

“It’s quite embarrassing that they’re this close to the game and still have these many seats to get rid of. I think their hopes were that it would be a sellout and a very quick sellout but, the problem was they really mismanaged the public’s willingness to spend the kind of money for tickets and it’s really backfired and blown up in their face a little.” - Rob Longley, Toronto Sun

“When they played the Penguins on Monday, the Sabres outscored the Bills on Sunday [4 goals to a field goal].” – caller to WGR550, Buffalo Sports Radio

“Attention, Buffalo. You can have your beloved Bills back. At least your loyal fans would have completely filled your stadium, The Ralph, for a December showdown with the hated Miami Dolphins. Toronto couldn’t. At least you would have cheered enough to make your team think it actually was playing a home game. Toronto couldn’t. And at least you would have booed the (bleep) out of them after the final gun for another pathetic offensive performance, one that netted just three points and 163 net yards. Toronto didn’t. – Mike Zeisberger, Toronto Sun

“[To] Ralph Wilson: I think it’s time you give this team up. You obviously don’t care about winning football games. That’s apparent from you reaction to Buffalo New’s columnist Jerry Sullivan’s question of, ‘Are you embarrassed [about the way the Bills played against Miami?]‘ Ralph looked at Jerry, laughed and said, ‘I’m used to it.’”- WGR550.com, Buffalo Sports Radio

“Based on the crowd reaction, the game could’ve been played in Timbuktu rather than Toronto, because this was as foreign a “home” crowd as the Bills have ever played in front of. The setting was decidedly not blue-collar Buffalo, with Blue Jays and CFL Argonauts banners hanging from the rafters and nearly as many orange and aqua Dan Marino, Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams jerseys among the 52,000 fans.” – news-press.com

31-4707879embeddedprod_affiliate56“If the Bills do bring in a new coach, they’re going to have to warn him that unlike other NFL teams, the Bills play just seven home games because of the Canadian cash grab. Calling the Bills the ‘home’ team at the Rogers Centre was a stretch that Yao Ming couldn’t make. If anything, there were more Dolphins fans than Bills fans in that place.” – Sal Maiorana, Democrat & Chronicle

“Would the Bills have won had the game been played in the icy elements of Ralph Wilson Stadium? Probably not. But this much is certain: The soft-armed Pennington would not have been throwing such pretty spirals in the howling winds of Orchard Park.” - Mike Zeisberger, Toronto Sun

“It reminded me of the old Harry Neale line, edited for football: The Bills can’t score at home. The Bills can’t score on the road. The Bills can’t score outside. The Bills can’t score inside. Their failure as a team is they have to find another place and another way to play. People paid mortgage payments for a pair of tickets to watch J.P. Losman play quarterback. That doesn’t seem fair to anybody. He is Buffalo’s Michael Bishop — and before Saskatchewan let him go, you could watch him for about 25 bucks.” – Steve Simmons, Toronto Sun

“The first-ever regular season NFL game in Canada was an unmitigated disaster if you’re a Bills fan. A worst-case scenario.” – Tim Schmitt, Niagara Gazette

“The Bills were booed when they emerged from the tunnel and were booed again when they returned to their locker room.” – Tim Graham, ESPN

“Undoubtedly, some customers were delighted to witness this kind of over-hyped NFL greatness. Why, these two teams yesterday once went six or seven plays in a row without a false-start penalty.” – Dave Perkins, Toronto Star

09000d5d80d1dc64_gallery_6001“Was there anything at all reminiscent of a game in Orchard Park? Only a single, extremely vigorous fistfight in the end-zone stands, though it’s hard to imagine what there was for anyone to get worked up about.” – Steven Brunt, Toronto Globe and Mail

“The Dolphins were 2-7 in games in Orchard Park after Dec. 1 so it was appalling to hear guys like Marcus Stroud say nobody in the Bills locker was complaining about playing indoors. That should disgust every player that’s ever worn a Buffalo uniform.” – Leo Roth, Democrat & Chronicle

“Interestingly, the announced attendance was 52,134, a generous estimate that was about 2,000 shy of football capacity for the Rogers Centre. Just 72 hours earlier, organizers said the game was sold out. We’re confused. How does that math work? Gouging the public for an average ticket price of $183 didn’t help.” – Mike Zeisberger, Toronto Sun

“For all that money, Toronto got to witness the big-league sight of Buffalo centre Duke Preston snapping a ball to his own buttocks, which would have been fine had quarterback J. P. Losman not been in the shotgun, five yards behind him, rather than under centre. For all that cash, Toronto got to see a second-quarter play in which Losman had the ball knocked out of his hand, recovered it, rolled out and threw a ball to Marshawn Lynch that Lynch bobbled, dropped and kicked out of bounds. You just don’t forget sporting moments like that.” – Bruce Arthur, National Post

“The Buffalo logo has vanished from the field now. There’s nothing but a smudge at the 50-yard line. There one minute and gone the next, just like the once lofty hopes in this sad, exasperating Bills season.” – Jerry Sullivan, The Buffalo News

“The so-called sellout featured broad expanses of unoccupied blue seating, many dark private boxes and a conspicuous absence of lucrative signage. Even with a year to promote and sell space, and much of that before the economy went south, the official sponsors of the Bills Toronto Series were shown only on a rolling electronic sign.” – John Kernaghan, Hamilton Spectator

“No matter how the NFL chooses to spin it, this was not a Bills home date. Yes, the organization received $78-million US from Rogers to bring five regular-season and three pre-season games to Toronto over the next five years, but, in the end, the fine people of Buffalo and, to some extent, the players, were screwed.” – Mike Zeisberger, Toronto Sun

“Myself? I was thinking, “Yes! This performance ought to guarantee the Bills remain in Buffalo. Because what Canadian football fan would want to subject himself to such uninspiring efforts eight times a year at $350 a pop? The CFL offers so much more action, so many more thrills, not to mention the rouge, which if utilized by the NFL would have changed Sunday’s final to 17-4 and created the illusion of a tantalizing offensive show.” – Bob DiCesare, The Buffalo News

“Thank God we don’t have Detroit on our schedule.” – caller to WGR550, Buffalo Sports Radio

There you have it! 

Keep in mind that the thought behind the Bills Toronto series is to increase interest in the Buffalo Bills and in the NFL in Canada. After this pathetic output by the Bills and the boring pace of the game, I’d say anyone who was behind this project and stepped onto the field on Sunday has failed in that goal.

Miserably.

Dolphins Bills Football

 

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